A Story About Serendipity

I believe in karma, fate, destiny, and now more than ever I believe in Serendipity.  Some of my last few posts have been full of  grief and annoinence but one thing remains the same….there are good things in our life one of them being my marriage.

1.  an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident….Serendipity

2.  the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events….Destiny

3.  something that unavoidably befalls a person…Fate

4.  the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something…Karma

 For the people who know me best, they know that I believe in all of it.  And although 90% of the time they are all combined in one event, I believe there is one element that sticks out more than the others. When it comes to serendipity, it’s the part of my life that reminds me that Tod and I were always meant to be together.

When I first met my husband Tod, it was memorable enough but, as we live our lives I’ve taken a look back and noticed that we had met before….on more than just one occassion.

On a cold December evening, I had just stepped off the bus with my tall flag and colorguard equipment in my hand.  A band and dance geek to the core, my entire high school memories are filled with hundreds of friends, balancing school and reherasals, and competitions.  Our drum major at the time was always ditching our high school group to participate in a community music organization; a drum corps (pronounced ”core”) called the Velvet Knights.  Each night he had a different friend from his organization waiting to pick him up so they could take off….usually to some “members only party.”

During one of those evenings I walked passed a tall and stocky guy with red long hair.  He was wearing one of those black shiny jackets I had come to recognize as “one of Eugene’s friends.”  I took it upon myself to offer a friendly smile his way since we were both friends of Eugene.  He looked at me oddly and gave me the “head nod”.  You know the one that means “What’s up?” or “Hey!”  Little did I realize that I had just had my first intcounter with my future husband.

In the months to come, a colorguard team member and friend of mine, Vanessa, had talked me into to auditioning for the Velvet Knights.  I was hesitant at first but, I thought auditioning could be fun.  What if I actually made it!  This organization took the best of the best from all of the high schools across Southern California and some from other states.  At best, it would be good for my ego.  When auditions were over I was excited to recieve an acceptance letter in the mail inviting me to the group and explaining I’d be spending the summer before my senior year traveling across the country for three months.  I was even more excited to hear that my other two friends had made it too.  We were all going to be together, all summer….I couldn’t wait!  Then, a few weeks before our first rehearsal, both of my friends backed out. 

I was so mad! 

This was there idea!

I’m not going to do this alone!

And then, I thought about it….and out of spite, I decided I was going to do it just to prove to them that they had made a horrible decision and that they were going to regret not participating in this rare opportunity.  The next few months were filled with long, exhausting, and hot rehearsals.  At the same time I had met some really nice people, made some new friends, and was eager to leave on tour.

Before we left in June, a lot of us had to tie up loose ends.  For some of us it was just finals but for my best friend Kristine and I, it was prom.  I already had my prom date but, she still needed one.  Promising to help her find one, I decided to utilize the access I had to all the guys who were musicians in our group. I asked Eugene who informed me that he already had a date.  He was hanging out with his friends, some of which I recognized from lingering around our high school.  I asked the long-haired red head guy.

“Hey, your name’s Tod right?”

“Yea” he answered briefly

As if I was offering him the chance of a life time, I asked “Hey, you wanna take my hot best freind to her senior prom?”

He looked at me with a weird and surprised expression then he smirked and said, “Is she paying?”

I was absolutely horrified!  What a jerk!  I tried not to look too disgusted but, I don’t know if it came across very well.

“Never mind!” I said, and walked away.

That had been mine and Tod’s second intercounter.

As spring came to an end, we continued to prepare for our little and big tours.  Our little tour consisted of 2 weeks of Northern California and Utah and our big tour was full of 2 months of state hopping across the U.S.  Since my high school friends had left, I decide to open up my home as a host family.  I was asked to host two other colorgaurd members.  One from Georgia (Nicole) and the other from Illinois (Michelle).  It was just my luck that both of them had decide that their summer attractions and flings would be with two of Rich’s friends.  Forced to hang out together, eventually we’d end up becoming friends.

The spring months were proof of what would be a very hot summer.  I had chosen to cut my hair – SHORT but, before leaving for the hair dresser one Saturday afternoon, I recieved a phone call…. it was Tod.  He had become an OK guy and I tried not to hold the situation with prom and my friend Kristine against him.  He asked me if I was going to one of those infamous “member only parties.”  Now being a member, I was actually flattered that I was asked, especially since this was an exclusive “Veteren” party and I was just a rookie.  I told him I’d try to stop by, got directions, and hung up the phone.  I think he was glad our conversation was so brief.

Later that night, I showed up at the party.  Tod and I actually hit it off.  Nothing happened but, an outsider could conclude that we were pretty friendly.  The next day at rehearsal everyone was talking about it.  Not the party….me and Tod!  I panicked and ignored some of the side chat.  I made it very clear to those who asked, that Tod and I were just friends and that we were NOT together.  I really needed to make sure that this guy Dave, who was our member from London, knew the truth because it was my intention to have him as my bus partner on tour.

The rumours eventually subsided but, Tod and I continued to be apart of these group dates amongst our out of state roomies.  Mostly because, Tod was the one with the car.  Over time Tod sort of became a “big brother” type good friend.  He was funny and really nice.  Little did I know that Tod had other intentions and ideas about our friendship.  I continued turning down other offers to be bus partners with other guys and kept holding out for Dave from London.  The only other respectable alternative would be my buddy, Tod.

More group date opportunites continued to present themselves.  He called once to invite me to a bon fire at the beach.  I told him I would’ve loved to go but, I had a date.  Confused and a bit stunned, which I  could tell from the brief silence over the phone, he asked me where I was going?  I didn’t feel obligated to tell him but I did. I told him I was being taken to the theatre to see the Phantom of the Opera.  I think he felt intimidated by that or just dissapointed and sadly he said, “Oh, well, I’ll see you at rehearsal.”

We continued to have these “hit and miss” moments until one serendipitous event occured.  I was ready to give up on Dave from London asking me to be his bus partner and before the day had started I think I secretly hoped Tod would ask me.  I’d much rather sit with a friend than someone I didn’t know.  While still waiting for Dave, I had said ”No” to every other person who had asked me.  I was ready to pull my hair out I was so frustrated.  I ran into Tod who could tell something was wrong.  Concerned he asked, “Hey are you okay?” I must have vommited my frustration at him.

“If one more person asks me to sit with them on the bus I’m gong to scream!”  I yelled. 

He gave me an awkward look with his lips tucked tight together and pulled over to the side of his face.  The look caught me off guard and I looked at him and said,

“Okay, what’s with the face?  You think I’m pathetic don’t you?”

His eyes got wide and he looked at me and quickly said, “No.”  Then, he followed that up with, “You know, I could probably make it really easy for you….you could just sit with me.”  I wasn’t sure if he was serious.  I was confident that he was joking.  I smiled and said, “Thanks Tod, that’s cute.   You always know how to make me smile.”  I waited to see if he persisted but, he didn’t.  He said, “Well, that’s what I do.”  and I knew he wasn’t serious.  Before I left for home, Dave from London asked me to be his bus partner.  I eagerly accepted and was so thankful to have a bus partner but, something didn’t feel right.

A week before our first show and tour departure, Tod and the gang tried to fit one last bonfire at the beach into our weekend. I was excited to go.  We all sat on the beach and eventually each little couple went off on their own.  Tod and I were left… a couple of buddies, sitting on the sand, listening to the waves crash on the surf, and we were having it…. our first uncomfortable silence.  The silence was broken when Tod said, ”You know Tommara, I have to tell you… I really like you.  I think we’ld be great together.  I think we belong together.  What do you think of that?”

I was absolutley stunned! Speechless infact, which doesn’t happen often. I didn’t know what to say.  All I could do was stare at him and wonder what this rock at the bottom of my stomach was doing there?  I finally broke eye contact and quickly looked out at the ocean as if it were going to help me figure out something to say.  Finally, it came to me in a panic,

“Wow…Tod…I don’t know what to say?” 

It was honest. 

“I’m so flattered.  I didn’t realize…I think you’re great but….(uncomfortable pause) I just don’t feel the same way about you.” 

He didn’t look discouraged so I went on,

“You are a really good friend.  You’re like a big cuddly teddy bear.  I’ve always just thought of you as a big brother.  I don’t want to hurt you and I love our friendship.  Is that okay?  Do you understand? 

Too easily and quickly he said, “Yea. No. I totally understand.  It’s fine.” 

I wasn’t confident that it was but then, we got up off the sand to walk to the pier and meet our friends and Tod grabbed my hand and held it as we walked along the beach.  Annoyed, I didn’t let go but, I thought to myself, “Hello? Didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m NOT INTERESTED!”  I let it go and we got in the car to drive home.  We had brought two seperate cars and of course, I ended up in Tod’s.  But fate, wasn’t done there. 

On the way home, at about 10:00 p.m., we got a flat tire on the freeway.  I was trying not to freak out.  Calmly and with ease, Tod got us safely to the side.  He was no nonsense.  He got out, opened the trunk, got out a jack and the spare, and started to change the tire.  I sat in the front seet and watched the cars and diesel trucks drive by.  I kept replaying the moment on the beach in my head.  I kept trying to talk myself into believing I said all the right things…all the correct things…all the things I really thought I felt in my heart.  I got out of the car to say one last thing.

When I got out, Tod was finishing up.  He saw me standing there and told me he was almost done, that it was cold, and I should get back in the car.  He was so protective.  I assured him I was fine.  I stood there and found myself starring at him.  I watched as he bolted and unbolted the tire together.  He changed that tire as if he was a tire ”how to” book.  I realized that what I had to say wasn’t important and that was evidence of the fact that I couldn’t even remember what it was.  The rest of the way home I thought to myself, “Who am I kidding?  I actually like this guy and now I’ve ruined everything.”  I felt like the moment had passed me by. So, I secretly chose to realize I had feelings for Tod that I needed to sort through but, I also chose not to say anything.  I didn’t know if or when I’d get another chance.

We finally reached our first show performance which went as well as could be expected.  Before we left for Utah, the whole corps was to meet on the football field for a meeting.  I don’t remember what he said but, Tod convinced me to stay behind with him on the bus.  We sat side by side in his buss seat.  Our knees were resting on the dark red vinyl seats in front of us.  We began to slouch low in our chairs and sat there laughing, chatting, and reminiscing about the evenings performance.  We wondered if anyone even noticed we were gone.  The bus was dark and we were all alone, a moment I had waited for and hoped I would get again.  Before one word about that night on the beach escaped my mouth, Tod had leaned over to grab my face with both of his hands.  He pulled my face close to his and gently kissed me like I had never been kissed before.

When I opened my eyes slowly, he looked at me and whispered, “Was that okay?”  I smiled and said, “Yea but, I think you should do that again.”  And he did.  Without any other words between us, our embrace was interupted by the sound of tennis shoes on the steps of the bus as the corps members returned from their meeting.  We were greeted by some friends, “Hey, where were you?”  I looked at Tod and he quickly said, “I was there.  Didn’t you see me?”  They looked at us suspiciously and said, “Riiight” and kept walking to the back of the bus where their seats were.  Tod and I looked at each other and smiled.  Then, I looked up and saw Tod’s friend Mike towering over me.  I greeted Mike with a frienly hello and he said, “Hi. You’re in my seat.”  Confused, I stopped for a moment and realized he was right.  My seat was on a totally different bus…..with Dave from London.  I was embarressed to be there; reminded of how childish I had been about my feelings.  I got up, looked at Tod uncertain of what this meant, and said goodbye.

I stepped on to the drum bus that was full of laughter, yelling, and the annoying sound of drum sticks hitting the vinyl seats.  Drummers? What was I thinking?  Luckily I found Dave right away who was saving my seat, second row from the front, right next to the window.  Dave looked at me concerned and asked, “are you okay?”  I gave him a fake and reassuring smile and said, “Yea, I’m fine.”  And then under my breathe I whispered, “It’s going to be a long ride to Utah.”  I closed my eyes and tried to remember the moment I had just shared with Tod.  When I opened them a few tears fell from my eyes.  I realized I had another two weeks without him and wondering if we’d ever be together.

After 48 hours on the drum bus, I couldn’t take it anymore.  That insesent tapping on the seat behind me drove me crazy!  I secretly hoped there would be room on Tod’s bus but, unfortunately there was only room amongst my fellow rookies.  As long as there wasn’t any tapping on the seat behind me I didn’t care what bus they put me on.  

When we arrived in Utah and shortly after that, it wasn’t long before the news traveled fast.  Atleast 10 people had approached me with questions about mine and Tod’s relationship.  Proudly I answered each time, “YES, we’re seeing each other.”  As our small tour concluded, Tod and I couldn’t been more thrilled.  We had spent the last two weeks sneeking small moments together, meals, and break times.  Finally, we could be together.

Our plans for big tour included the option of switching bus partners.  Without a doubt and as fast as we could we were happy to place our names side by side on the list.  It was the first of many side by side signatures we would have together.

When I look back it was destiny and fate that made sure we ended up together.  It was karma that caused some communication mishaps but, it was serendipity that gave us multiple meetings, at various times and in different situations.  None of which had anything to do with the other.  We were suppose to keep meeting until we got it right.  I think those are the things you look for and have in a “true love” relationship.  They’re the things that remind me all the time of how wonderful my husband is.  How lucky I am to have him as Yester’s father.  How much we love and respect not just each other but our relationship. And most importantly, how lucky we are to love each other and Yester enough to make it through the Autism journey.